Hail To The Cheap???

cheap
She Had Heard That Line Before,
And Was Not Impressed.

Sooo, there I was, on another website arguing with a lawyer who remarked that I “cheapened” articles with my rather forthright and earthy views. In response, I did this elaborate little comment, to demonstrate how lawyers tend to use lofty language to disguise what the essence of their claim. Unfortunately, it could not make it past the obscenity filter on that website, no matter how many asterisks and abbreviations, I used. Therefore, I place it here. It isn’t much of an article, but I spent a good ten minutes or so writing it, and darn it, I just hated to waste it!

HAIL To The Cheap!!!
Being An Exposition On The Efficacy of Earthiness
A Short Court Room Fantasy by Squeeky Fromm

The Parties:

Max: the Defendant, accused of public indecency for wearing a T-Shirt which read, “Fuck You, You Fucking Fuck!, beneath the picture of an erect middle finger, more commonly known as, The Finger, or The Bird. Max is attired in an dirty overcoat and galoshes.

Mike: The Attorney for the Defendant. He is attired in a cheap, polyester suit.

Squeeky: An Intelligent, Intrepid, yet Beautiful, Girl Prosecutrix, wearing a sexy, yet demure, little black dress.

The Judge: An older man, who looks like he has seen it all.

The Action: A Bench Trial, over the misdemeanor ticket written to the Defendant

                                        It Begins:

Squeeky: Your Honor, this creep appeared in public wearing a T-Shirt that read, “F” You, You “F’ing” “F”. This is the very essence of public indecency.

Mike: Your Honor, we are here today in defense of the First Amendment of the United States Constitution, an amendment for which our valiant soldiers have fought and died on foreign battlefields, and for which. . .

Squeeky: No, Your Honor, he’s here today to defend somebody who wore an “F” You, You F’ing “F”, T-Shirt around a bunch of second graders.

Mike: Your Honor, I object! Squeeky is cheapening my argument in defense of our precious, and constitutionally protected rights of free expression and . . .

Squeeky: All the Defendant was expressing was the “F” word, around a bunch of innocent second graders and nuns from the Our Lady of Perpetual Chastity Parochial School. . .

Mike: Your Honor, there she goes again! Cheapening my arguments! This trial isn’t about what was on the T-Shirt! This is about constitutional rights, and the idea of free expression and . . .

Squeeky: No it isn’t, Your Honor! We are here because the Defendant wore a T-Shirt with the word, “F” on it. Just look at the ticket… See, it says, “Subject walked into McDonalds and was taking ketchup from the condiment stand to make tomato soup, while wearing an obscene T-Shirt with the words, “F” You, You “F”ing “F”! Several nuns, and a group of second-graders were there eating their little Happy Meals. The second-graders began asking one of the nuns, “Sister Prudence, what does “f” mean???, and noting “Sister Prudence, that man smells funny. . .” Which, there was some sort of unpleasant aroma about him. Whereupon this officer issued a citation to the subject for a violation of local ordinance number. . .”

Mike: No Your Honor, this isn’t about the “F” word, and nuns, and second graders. . .This is about my client’s constitutional right to express his opinion, and world view, in accordance with the liberty, equality, and fraternity granted to us by the . . .

Max: What the fuck??? I don’t belong to no fraternity??? I just want to get the fuck out of here and back to my bottle of Thunderbird wine. . .

The Judge: Young man, do not speak until you are asked to by your attorney, should he decide to put you on the stand. . . And, don’t say the “F” word in this courtroom.

Max: Fuck you, Judge! (Whereupon the Defendant flung open his overcoat, beneath which he was wearing only his galoshes. . .)

Whereupon, the Defendant was cited with contempt, and removed from the courtroom to custody.

                                          It Ends.

==============

The moral of this story is, that sometimes stuff is just about what it’s about, and nothing else.

Squeeky Fromm
Girl Reporter

Note 1. The Image. This is Pola Negri, playing the cabaret girl from the 1929 film, The Woman He Scorned. There is a great website here, which has more about her:

http://www.polanegri.com/articles/the_woman_he_scorned.htm

Note 2. T-Shirts. Yes, there really are such T-Shirts! You don’t think I would just make stuff up, do you???

fuck_you_you_fucking_fuck_tshirt

You can buy that one, and many more, here:

http://www.cafepress.com/+fuck-you+t-shirts

Valbona Dentata???

Mo' Teefs???

Mo’ Teefs???

I read a story today on Jonathan Turley’s blog about one, Valbona Yzeiraj, age 45, who:

. . . worked as an office manager at Dr. Jeffrey Schoengold’s office, and claimed that she was a trained professional from her native Albania. However, even if true, she is not licensed to practice medicine in the U.S. but performed procedures on patients, including a root canal that left a patient with an infection and another with “persistent pain” two years after the procedure.

Schoengold fired Yzeiraj and she that he learned she was treating patients when he was out of the office. She is now charged with assault in the second and third degrees, unauthorized practice, attempted grand larceny and reckless endangerment.

http://jonathanturley.org/2015/04/17/new-york-police-arrest-office-manager-who-allegedly-pretends-to-be-dentist-and-botched-procedures/#comment-1439812

Ouch! Anyway, it made me think of an Irish Poem!

Valbona Dentata???
An Irish Poem by Squeeky Fromm

To all of the fears in our crania,
Add the “unlicensed quack from Albania”
‘Cause this Dental Plan- – –
Shades of Marathon Man!
Is enough to induce a new mania!

The title of the poem, and this post is a word play on vagina dentata. Wiki notes:

Vagina dentata (Latin for toothed vagina) describes a folk tale in which a woman’s vagina is said to contain teeth, with the associated implication that sexual intercourse might result in injury, emasculation or castration for the man involved.

In her controversial best-seller Sexual Personae (1991), Camille Paglia wrote:

The toothed vagina is no sexist hallucination: every penis is made less in every vagina, just as mankind, male and female, is devoured by mother nature.[13]

In his book The Wimp Factor, Stephen J. Ducat expresses a similar view, that these myths express the threat sexual intercourse poses for men who, although entering triumphantly, always leave diminished.[14]

In rare instances, teeth may be found in a vagina. Dermoid cysts are formed from the outer layers of embryonic skin cells. These cells are able to mature into teeth, bones or hair, and these cysts are able to form anywhere the skin is or where the skin folds inwards to become another organ, such as in the ear or the vagina. Dermoid cysts occur most commonly in the ovary. If it ruptures there, the teeth may migrate through the vagina.[1][15][16]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vagina_dentata

There is a movie, Teeth, which deals with this subject. Plus, there is a fascinating article, with pictures, at:

http://blogs.ucl.ac.uk/researchers-in-museums/2013/03/04/pulling-teeth-ovarian-teratomas-vagina-dentata/

Enjoy!

Squeeky Fromm
Girl Reporter