An UR-Rational Number (A Poem)

gun crazy big

It Is A Really Good Thing To Be Sure Of Your Aims

This is a hinky little doggerel-ish poem I wrote to illustrate two things. First, the utter futility of trying to reason with violent, low-class people. Second, the utter lack of reality in which Libertarians exist. The human world does not run by logic and reason alone. Emotions and irrationality have their sphere, too. It is in our DNA.

An UR-Rational Number
by Squeeky Fromm, Girl Reporter

“Your actions are not rational!”
The Libertarian said.
“You’re demanding all my money.
With a gun held to my head.”

“But your epistemology
Is filled with contradiction.
And Tort-wise, have you heard the phrase,
“Intentional infliction???”

“Let’s look at this objectively,
For I’m certain you’ll agree.
Initiating the use of force
Makes no sense rationally.”

The Robber thought for just a bit,
Then, made a brief reply,
“My pistol-mology says this,
“You can cough it up or die!”

“I hope that you are rational.
I did not come to kill.
The Bible says that that’s a sin.
I don’t want to, but I will!”

The Libertarian just sighed,
And smirked in tone, ironic,
“Dude, there is no Higher Power,”
To think so is moronic!”

“Really, your belief in a God,
And Commandments carved in stone,
Just proves you are illogical,
And can’t think on your own!”

The Robber thought for just a skosh,
Then. . . BANG his pistol went.
There lay the Libertarian.
But . . . he won the argument!

Squeeky Fromm
Girl Reporter

Note 1. The Image. This is Peggy Cummins from the 1950 noir film, Gun Crazy. Wiki says:

Gun Crazy is a 1950 film noir feature film directed by Joseph H. Lewis, and produced by Frank King and Maurice King. The production features Peggy Cummins and John Dall in a story about the crime-spree of a gun-toting husband and wife.

The screenplay by blacklisted writer Dalton Trumbo — credited to Millard Kaufman because of the blacklist and by MacKinlay Kantor — was based upon a short story by Kantor published in 1940 in The Saturday Evening Post. Gun Crazy was selected for the National Film Registry, and is also known as Deadly Is the Female.

Here is a youtube clip:

Note 2. Just A Skosh.

skosh (skoʊʃ)

n.
Slang. a bit; jot: We need just a skosh more room.
[1955–60, Amer.; < Japanese sukoshi a little (bit)]

Random House Kernerman Webster’s College Dictionary.

http://www.thefreedictionary.com/skosh

Note 3. Epistemology. Wiki says:

Epistemology (ɨˌpɪstɨˈmɒlədʒi/ from Greek ἐπιστήμη – epistēmē, meaning “knowledge, understanding”, and λόγος – logos, meaning “study of”) is the branch of philosophy concerned with the nature and scope of knowledge  and is also referred to as “theory of knowledge”. It questions what knowledge is and how it can be acquired, and the extent to which any given subject or entity can be known.

Much of the debate in this field has focused on analyzing the nature of knowledge and how it relates to connected notions such as truth, belief, and justification.

The term “epistemology” was introduced by the Scottish philosopher James Frederick Ferrier (1808–1864)

pistol-mology is a whole nother thing.

Note 4. UR.

ur-combining formprefix: ur-

primitive; original; earliest.

example “urtext”

The title is a word play on “irrational number. The word, number, also means:

13. One of the separate offerings in a program of music or other entertainment: The band’s second number was a march.
14. Slang A frequently repeated, characteristic speech, argument, or performance: suspects doing their usual number protesting innocence.
15. Slang A person or thing singled out for a particular characteristic: a crafty number.

http://www.thefreedictionary.com/number

Here, even a primitive sense of rationality should have led the Libertarian to STFU!, and hand over his wallet. And certainly not try to talk the Robber out of what ever moral sense he possessed.

The Polar Bear (An Unfinished Poem)

polar bear 2

Gruffy Had Never Tried  A Food Delivery Service Before, But It Sure Beat Trolling For Seals

The Polar Bear
An Unfinished Poem
By Squeeky Fromm, Girl Reporter

Today I saw a Polar Bear,
So fuzzy, warm, and white.
I think I shall go visit him,
There in his cage tonight.

And then come back and finish this,
And tell of feelings deep,
And how I held him tenderly
And sang him off to sleep.

Squeeky Fromm
Girl Reporter

Note 1. The Image. This is from the 1991 film, The Polar Bear King, which is on Netflix.

Note 2. For the dull and unimaginative, the poem is unfinished, because the fool went back to hug the polar bear, and ended up as dinner.

I’m Too Sexty!!! – A. Weiner Parody Song

In An Effort To Outdo Charlie Sheen, A. Weiner Rolled His Pants ABOVE His Ankles

I’m Too Sexty – A. Weiner Parody Song
by Squeeky Fromm
To the Tune of Right Said Fred’s “I’m Too Sexy

I’m too sexty for my wife,
Too sexty for my wife,
Wife’s going to leave me.

Chest. A Gigolo.

I’m too sexty for my shirt,
A flirty extrovert.
(Pssst! Keep this covert!)

And I’m too sexty for this phone
Did I just hear you moan???
Erogenous zone???

Oh, I’m too sexty for my party.
Too sexty for my party,
No way that I’m resigning!

I’m A. Weiner, you know what I mean
And I sext-message chicks on my BlackBerry
Yeah BlackBerry, yeah on my BlackBerry
I am very fast on my BlackBerry

I’m too sexty for my job
Sooo sexty that I throb.
I’m my own Flash Mob!

A. Weiner Schnitzel

And I’m too sexty for my Twitter
Such a sexty critter,
And smarter than Vitter!

I’m A. Weiner, you know what I mean
But I’m starting to fret about a perp walk,
Oh yes a perp walk, please not a perp walk,
‘Cos underage chicks can mean a perp walk

I’m too sexty for my
Too sexty for my,
too sexty for my

He talked To Strangers

I’m A. Weiner,  you know what I mean,
And it might be my turn to do a  perp walk,
Oh yes a perp walk,  a lousy perp walk
They’ll lock up my tush after a perp walk

I’m too sexty for my cats
Too sexty for my cats
Poor pussy poor pussy cats

Midnight, Not A Sound From The Pavement

I’m too sexty for my wife,
Too sexty for my wife.
Wife’s going to leave me.

Am I too sexty for Craig’s List???

Squeeky Fromm
Girl Reporter

BONUS:

The Original “I’m Too Sexy” YouTube Video by Right Said Fred.