Hail To The Cheap???

cheap
She Had Heard That Line Before,
And Was Not Impressed.

Sooo, there I was, on another website arguing with a lawyer who remarked that I “cheapened” articles with my rather forthright and earthy views. In response, I did this elaborate little comment, to demonstrate how lawyers tend to use lofty language to disguise what the essence of their claim. Unfortunately, it could not make it past the obscenity filter on that website, no matter how many asterisks and abbreviations, I used. Therefore, I place it here. It isn’t much of an article, but I spent a good ten minutes or so writing it, and darn it, I just hated to waste it!

HAIL To The Cheap!!!
Being An Exposition On The Efficacy of Earthiness
A Short Court Room Fantasy by Squeeky Fromm

The Parties:

Max: the Defendant, accused of public indecency for wearing a T-Shirt which read, “Fuck You, You Fucking Fuck!, beneath the picture of an erect middle finger, more commonly known as, The Finger, or The Bird. Max is attired in an dirty overcoat and galoshes.

Mike: The Attorney for the Defendant. He is attired in a cheap, polyester suit.

Squeeky: An Intelligent, Intrepid, yet Beautiful, Girl Prosecutrix, wearing a sexy, yet demure, little black dress.

The Judge: An older man, who looks like he has seen it all.

The Action: A Bench Trial, over the misdemeanor ticket written to the Defendant

                                        It Begins:

Squeeky: Your Honor, this creep appeared in public wearing a T-Shirt that read, “F” You, You “F’ing” “F”. This is the very essence of public indecency.

Mike: Your Honor, we are here today in defense of the First Amendment of the United States Constitution, an amendment for which our valiant soldiers have fought and died on foreign battlefields, and for which. . .

Squeeky: No, Your Honor, he’s here today to defend somebody who wore an “F” You, You F’ing “F”, T-Shirt around a bunch of second graders.

Mike: Your Honor, I object! Squeeky is cheapening my argument in defense of our precious, and constitutionally protected rights of free expression and . . .

Squeeky: All the Defendant was expressing was the “F” word, around a bunch of innocent second graders and nuns from the Our Lady of Perpetual Chastity Parochial School. . .

Mike: Your Honor, there she goes again! Cheapening my arguments! This trial isn’t about what was on the T-Shirt! This is about constitutional rights, and the idea of free expression and . . .

Squeeky: No it isn’t, Your Honor! We are here because the Defendant wore a T-Shirt with the word, “F” on it. Just look at the ticket… See, it says, “Subject walked into McDonalds and was taking ketchup from the condiment stand to make tomato soup, while wearing an obscene T-Shirt with the words, “F” You, You “F”ing “F”! Several nuns, and a group of second-graders were there eating their little Happy Meals. The second-graders began asking one of the nuns, “Sister Prudence, what does “f” mean???, and noting “Sister Prudence, that man smells funny. . .” Which, there was some sort of unpleasant aroma about him. Whereupon this officer issued a citation to the subject for a violation of local ordinance number. . .”

Mike: No Your Honor, this isn’t about the “F” word, and nuns, and second graders. . .This is about my client’s constitutional right to express his opinion, and world view, in accordance with the liberty, equality, and fraternity granted to us by the . . .

Max: What the fuck??? I don’t belong to no fraternity??? I just want to get the fuck out of here and back to my bottle of Thunderbird wine. . .

The Judge: Young man, do not speak until you are asked to by your attorney, should he decide to put you on the stand. . . And, don’t say the “F” word in this courtroom.

Max: Fuck you, Judge! (Whereupon the Defendant flung open his overcoat, beneath which he was wearing only his galoshes. . .)

Whereupon, the Defendant was cited with contempt, and removed from the courtroom to custody.

                                          It Ends.

==============

The moral of this story is, that sometimes stuff is just about what it’s about, and nothing else.

Squeeky Fromm
Girl Reporter

Note 1. The Image. This is Pola Negri, playing the cabaret girl from the 1929 film, The Woman He Scorned. There is a great website here, which has more about her:

http://www.polanegri.com/articles/the_woman_he_scorned.htm

Note 2. T-Shirts. Yes, there really are such T-Shirts! You don’t think I would just make stuff up, do you???

fuck_you_you_fucking_fuck_tshirt

You can buy that one, and many more, here:

http://www.cafepress.com/+fuck-you+t-shirts

Valbona Dentata???

Mo' Teefs???

Mo’ Teefs???

I read a story today on Jonathan Turley’s blog about one, Valbona Yzeiraj, age 45, who:

. . . worked as an office manager at Dr. Jeffrey Schoengold’s office, and claimed that she was a trained professional from her native Albania. However, even if true, she is not licensed to practice medicine in the U.S. but performed procedures on patients, including a root canal that left a patient with an infection and another with “persistent pain” two years after the procedure.

Schoengold fired Yzeiraj and she that he learned she was treating patients when he was out of the office. She is now charged with assault in the second and third degrees, unauthorized practice, attempted grand larceny and reckless endangerment.

http://jonathanturley.org/2015/04/17/new-york-police-arrest-office-manager-who-allegedly-pretends-to-be-dentist-and-botched-procedures/#comment-1439812

Ouch! Anyway, it made me think of an Irish Poem!

Valbona Dentata???
An Irish Poem by Squeeky Fromm

To all of the fears in our crania,
Add the “unlicensed quack from Albania”
‘Cause this Dental Plan- – –
Shades of Marathon Man!
Is enough to induce a new mania!

The title of the poem, and this post is a word play on vagina dentata. Wiki notes:

Vagina dentata (Latin for toothed vagina) describes a folk tale in which a woman’s vagina is said to contain teeth, with the associated implication that sexual intercourse might result in injury, emasculation or castration for the man involved.

In her controversial best-seller Sexual Personae (1991), Camille Paglia wrote:

The toothed vagina is no sexist hallucination: every penis is made less in every vagina, just as mankind, male and female, is devoured by mother nature.[13]

In his book The Wimp Factor, Stephen J. Ducat expresses a similar view, that these myths express the threat sexual intercourse poses for men who, although entering triumphantly, always leave diminished.[14]

In rare instances, teeth may be found in a vagina. Dermoid cysts are formed from the outer layers of embryonic skin cells. These cells are able to mature into teeth, bones or hair, and these cysts are able to form anywhere the skin is or where the skin folds inwards to become another organ, such as in the ear or the vagina. Dermoid cysts occur most commonly in the ovary. If it ruptures there, the teeth may migrate through the vagina.[1][15][16]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Vagina_dentata

There is a movie, Teeth, which deals with this subject. Plus, there is a fascinating article, with pictures, at:

http://blogs.ucl.ac.uk/researchers-in-museums/2013/03/04/pulling-teeth-ovarian-teratomas-vagina-dentata/

Enjoy!

Squeeky Fromm
Girl Reporter

Crony Communism

Hayek’s Road To Serfdom Had Several Prominent Bumps

The phrase Crony Capitalism is being bandied about a lot lately, with the usual implication being that Capitalism, of the laissez faire sort, is just peachy, and it is only when the poor, innocent, just-fell-off-the-turnip-truck-last-night Capitalist is seduced by yon Politician, dressed in red with fishnet stockings, and hanging out beneath a street lamp, that  miscegenation occurs, and an illegitimate bastard named Crony Capitalism, pops its little head out of the birth canal and proceeds to pay Mommy and Daddy back for their illicit tryst, at a murderous rate of interest. And, the only way to keep this type of third rate rendezvous from occurring,  is to end all government regulation that stands in the way of said Capitalists from making as much money as their grubby little yacht can ferry to the Caymans.

But, this type of apologetic, is NOT new. It has been pushed before by the unlikeliest of propagandists, the Apologists for Communism. While Karl Marx was able to conceive of a economic/power system whereby the means of production were centrally planned and controlled, it took the non-philosopher types like Lenin and Stalin and Mao to move the process along from books to bullets, so to speak. And here is where the problems with Communism arose.  It is hard to push the ersatz compassion of from each according to his abilities to each according to his needs when millions are being slaughtered or condemned to various gulags and labor camps.  Even for those who could swallow the twin bo-bos of death and imprisonment, and still mumble something about sacrifices,  the common good, and omelets,  the comparison between Communist and Free Market economies was unsettling.

People behind the Iron and Bamboo Curtains were hungry, cold, and condemned to suffer shoddy goods, when goods could be had at all.  Vehicles, affordable by only a few, were complete pieces of crap, if home made. Meanwhile, on the other side of The Wall, people ate well, sat warmly in winter, coolly in summer, and could afford to trade in their clunker every three years for a brand new clunker! Dead Kulaks notwithstanding, this kind of stuff was giving Communism a bad name. People were beginning to snicker.

Sooo, the idea of Crony Communism (although not called that)  was invented. The trick was to divorce the theory of Communism from the reality of Communism by blaming the problems on the political side.  Communism per se wasn’t bad, it was just the way pure Communism was hijacked by these evil and/or misguided folk like Stalin. What people were seeing in The USSR and Red China wasn’t REAL Communism at all! It was just the perversion of Communism by intercourse with the political class, and if only you could go back to pure laissez  faire economic Communism, free from all that transitional political pollution stuff, then Communism would work like a charm!!!

Now, the same silly argument is being advanced by the Apologists for Capitalism. The last three years, and arguably the last thirty or so years, have been nothing if not a complete indictment of the failures of either under-regulated or stupidly-regulated Capitalism. Mark Rosenfelder (Zompist) wrote of this several years ago, and used the Banana Republic meme so rare then, and so common today.

http://www.zompist.com/libertos.html

Economics and Politics are just nicer names for Money and Power.  Perhaps the two were not so intertwined in The Garden of Eden, but outside the East Gate,  past the Cherubum and the Fiery Sword, the two have been getting it on for quite a while.  Read the Code of Hammurabi and see how many of the laws relate to contractual and economic rights. What is particularly ironic is that the damning of Crony Capitalism is pouring out of the same mouths who then turn right around and beg the government for favors! Gee, sometimes the best favor a cop can do for a crony is to just look the other way while a crime occurs.

While rightfully castigating  the recipients of bailouts for having privatized their profits while socializing the costs, or interfering in the process, the same  advocates then plead for the government to interfere in the process, and end  regulations–including  minimum wages, worker’s comp, and pollution laws or, begging for tax breaks to locate their new Widget Factory in the Lucky State or Fortunate Nation, all so that they might make a few extra bucks while passing the costs along to society. I am reminded of Me, as a teenager, begging for the car on Friday night because I was mature and adult enough to be careful and get home on time, and then Me,  locking my bedroom door, laying on my bed with my stuffed animals, kicking my feet, and crying because Daddy said, “No.”

Communism and all other systems where the government has too much power are going to degenerate into the Monstrosities of People’s Republics. Capitalism and all other system where the few have too much power are going to degenerate into the Monstrosities of Banana Republics. I think the Human Race can do better than either of those.

Squeeky Fromm
Girl Reporter

Bonus: Tito and Tarantula’s “After Dark” – From Dusk Till Dawn

Tres Outre’ – A Poem

Coiffure de la HedgeRows???

Tres Outre’ – A Poem
by Squeeky Fromm

I thought that I would never see
The FLOTUS looking like a tree!!!

But there she is, with Royalty,
Just standing there like shrubbery.

I bet she does not have a clue
The imagery of her hairdo.

Or how ironic it must be
That it is really he, not she

Who should be seen like potted plant.
For giving in to “Yes, We CAN’T”

For Hope and Change he did not push.
He is The One resembling Bush.

Squeeky Fromm,
Girl Reporter

NOTE:  This poem is based on a beautiful one by Joyce Kilmer, which is short enough to enjoy here:

Trees
by Joyce Kilmer

I THINK that I shall never see
A poem lovely as a tree.

A tree whose hungry mouth is prest
Against the sweet earth’s flowing breast;

A tree that looks at God all day,
And lifts her leafy arms to pray;

A tree that may in summer wear
A nest of robins in her hair;

Upon whose bosom snow has lain;
Who intimately lives with rain.

Poems are made by fools like me,
But only God can make a tree.

I Am Thy Fool – A Sonnet For Romantic Obotski!!!

DOWN The Creek Without A Paddle Is A Bad Thing, Too.

I Am Thy Fool
by Squeeky Fromm

How do I worship thy One-derfulness?
Shall I measure slobber by the barrel,
Or celebrate thy Blessed Birth in carol
Circulated free by the Main Stream Press?

Or shall I be discreet, and not confess
Nor speak of fascination so feral?
Hiding away Love’s risque’ apparel
As if it were but some blue stain-ed dress.

Yet, when every momentary stutter
Or pregnant pause is cause for happiness,
Must I draw the shades and close the shutter?

There, in Dark, lest thrill’d legs and lips a-drool
Proclaim, in involuntary mutter
For all the world to know. . . I am thy Fool.

==========================================

Here is the background for this Sonnet. This is from Skookum at Flopping Aces, and you can find all the links to the original story there:

MEGHAN DAUM, a reporter for the LA Times, has once again tried to promote this lost and forgotten cause or at least has decided to give the dead jackass another sound thrashing, by creative use of weak metaphors. In the true wide eyed form of the typical Useful Idiot that caused Stalin the only laughter in his life that we know of, she explains Obama’s apparent speech impediment without a teleprompter as a true sign of genius. Have patience, the Times actually gives her column space for this lunacy.

Admittedly, the president is given to a lot of pauses, “uhs” and sputtering starts to his sentences. As polished as he often is before large crowds (where the adjective “soaring” is often applied to his speeches), his impromptu speaking frequently calls to mind a doctoral candidate delivering a wobbly dissertation defense.

But consider this: It’s not that Obama can’t speak clearly. It’s that he employs the intellectual stammer. Not to be confused with a stutter, which the president decidedly does not have, the intellectual stammer signals a brain that is moving so fast that the mouth can’t keep up. The stammer is commonly found among university professors, characters in Woody Allen movies and public thinkers of the sort that might appear on C-SPAN but not CNN. If you’re a member or a fan of that subset, chances are the president’s stammer doesn’t bother you; in fact, you might even love him for it (he sounds just like your grad school roommate, especially when he drank too much Scotch and attempted to expound on the Hegelian dialectic!).

So the president’s inability to speak fluently without a tele-prompter and sounding like a drunk, according to Ms Daum, is a direct result of intellectual stammering, not to be confused with the more common stuttering that afflicts many mere mortals. Woody Allen, the man who married his daughter, portrays this genius in comedic form and that should help those of us that aren’t sycophants believe the lie. Well done, Ms Daum, your lies are so preposterous that people may be hesitant to laugh at them.

Here is the link to this HILARIOUS and well-written Internet Article, which inspired my Sonnet for the Romantic Obotski—I Am Thy Fool.:

http://floppingaces.net/2011/05/28/la-times-compares-obama-iq-to-characters-portayed-in-woody-allen-films/

Squeeky Fromm
Girl Reporter

Clownfish, Lesbian Lizards, and Casey Anthony

Friday Night Happy Hour at Cnemidophorus Neomexicanus Cocktail Lounge, Whiptail, New Mexico

Poor Nemo, the Clownfish. Now he must Find Himself.  Nemo is now an object lesson in transgendering for elementery age school children.

Redwood Heights Elementary School, in Oakland,  is in the hot-seat after the school decided to education students about gender diversity.

On Monday and Tuesday, students of every grade were taught what the school called age-appropriate lessons about gender differences. Some lessons included all-girl geckos, a transgender clownfish, and boy snakes who act “girly” reports the San Francisco Chronicle.

“That’s a lot of variation in nature,” Gender Spectrum trainer, Joel Baum, told the students. “Evolution comes up with some pretty funny ways for animals to reproduce.”

http://www.nbcbayarea.com/news/local/Transgender-Clownfish-Controversy-122617749.html

This is not the first time that reverse-Anthropomorphism has been used to explain or justify some aspect of human sexuality and it certainly won’t be the last. For example, the poor New Mexico whiptails (Cnemidophorus neomexicanus) are an entirely female species of lizard that reproduce by parthenogenesis.  Parthenogenesis is a form of asexual reproduction found in females, where growth and development of embryos occurs without fertilization by a male. They also engage in mock mating behaviour and have the nickname of Lesbian Lizards. Apparently, these girls kiss girls and they like it. A whole lot.

Anthropomorphism is the act of ascribing human emotions and characteristics to animals or non-human things.  It is what made Disney rich. Think Mickey Mouse and Donald Duck here. Reverse-Anthropomorphism, which may be a term I have coined, is the opposite–ascribing animal characteristics to humans. This practice is on very solid ground because like it or not, human beings are part of the animal kingdom. We eat, sleep, breathe, reproduce, and poop right up there with the bears in the woods.

But still, we draw the line somewhere. We have to, or there would be no civilization. For example, no one gives Casey Anthony, who allegedly killed her two-year old daughter, a pass on the grounds that certain animal species kill their young. No, Casey is on trial for first degree murder. Similarly, the “But Spiders Do It!” defense has never been successful for those accused of murdering their spouses. The same is true for rape, killing sexual rivals, and cannibalism. Among humans, these are classified as felonies.

I suspect we are also missing the point on the clownfish and Lesbian Lizards. Both species manage to propagate and reproduce. To my knowledge, with humans, it still takes a male and a female.

Squeeky Fromm
Girl Reporter

Droit Du Seigneur – Cherry Popping On Wall Street

The Banker Had A One Track Mind

Wiki defines Droit du Seigneur as “a term now popularly used to describe an alleged legal right allowing the Lord of an estate to take the virginity of his serf’s maiden daughters. Little or no historical evidence has been unearthed from the Middle Ages to support the idea that such a right ever actually existed. Droit du seigneur is often interpreted today as a synonym for jus primae noctis, although it originally referred to a number of other rights as well, including hunting, taxation, and farming.

In fact, this whole idea may have been a form of revenue generator, in much the same way as speed traps are utilized:

We have quite a few examples showing how the popular belief in a former jus primae noctis influenced social relations between lords and peasants in Switzerland, France and Catalonia in the 15th and 16th centuries. One of these stems from a Swiss village in the vicinity of Zurich. In a customal from about 1400 A.D., the rights of the inhabitants of Maur were itemised by the local “Meier”, a representative of the lord of Maur, which at that time was the convent of Zurich. “Item, who wants to enter the holy state of marriage in the village and court of Maur, whoever he may be, shall hand over the woman to Us for the first night or he may buy her out, as it is custom and tradition and written in the old customals. If he doesn’t do so, he must pay a fine of 30 pennies.” (STAZ [Staatsarchiv des Kantons Zürich]. Urkunden Stadt und Land Nr. 2563; copy of the 15th century, cf. Wettlaufer 1999: 251).

One hundred and fifty years later, the text had been slightly altered: in the 1543 version, written by a successor of the first editor, one reads “… and when the wedding starts, the bridegroom shall allow the sergeant to lie with his bride for the first night, or he shall buy her off with 5 pounds and 4 pennies.” (STAZ C. I 2562, [1543 AD] cf. Wettlaufer 1999: 255).

The amount of money mentioned in both texts was affordable for a peasant, and although customals generally reflect the lords’ claims about their rights over the people under their jurisdiction, these rights must nevertheless have been accepted by the peasants. Such texts were read aloud in front of the assembled village and everybody had to agree with them.

http://www.fibri.de/jus/arthbes.htm

While there might be some question as to whether the Royal “Right to Deflower” existed in the past, (notwithstanding the recent example of Dominique Strauss-Kahn) The Masters of the Universe seem to still have the first right of refusal on all non-sexual commodities. For just one example, oil. Stop Oil Speculation notes that a barrel of oil may trade over 20 times before it hits the gas pump. I have seen other estimates that range between 26 and 43 times. One problem is, that no one is actually sure.

http://www.stopoilspeculationnow.com/Pages/problem.aspx

It takes time to dig out even illegal speculation, and arguably it is more difficult to uncover than legal speculation. Within the last few days, May 24, 2011, Federal regulators charged five oil speculators Tuesday with manipulating the price of crude over three years ago and making a $50 million profit from the scheme. (A drop in the barrel.)

The Commodity Futures Trading Commission alleges the speculators bought enormous amounts of actual crude oil for sale in Cushing, Okla, during the early months of 2008.

This created a perceived shortage of oil in Cushing — a major point for oil delivery — and drove the price of oil futures contracts higher.

The speculators then bet the price of oil would fall by selling so-called “short” contracts to other investors. When the speculators sold their actual oil holdings in Cushing en mass, the price of oil did fall, netting the group a hefty profit.

The alleged scheme took place between January and April 2008, a time when oil prices were gradually climbing toward their all-time record of $147 a barrel set in the summer of 2008.

The price of crude during the months of the alleged misdeeds changed very little, generally staying within a $10 range but the traders made their money off the daily fluctuations. Crude traded at $99 a barrel Jan. 2, 2008, and ended March 2008 at $101 a barrel.

http://money.cnn.com/2011/05/24/markets/oil_price_speculation/index.htm

Yet, the author of the above Internet Article also feels compelled to assure us later that speculation is NOT responsible for the huge increases in price. Paul Krugman has expressed similar opinions, stating that if speculation was behind the price increase, oil inventories would be increasing. Yet, as was noted in February at Yves Smith’s Naked Capitalism blog:

As naked capitalism poster Audrey recently wrote:

The only people with ability to really hoard oil are oil producers – by not producing as much as they could and leaving oil in the ground. So the speculation scenario would go like this – an oil producing company is producing and selling oil at $5/barrel. For whatever reason futures speculation drives prices up $10. Consumption shrinks, and the company cannot find buyers for all the oil it produces. At this point the company can either sell at $15/barrel, or reduce production. It reduces production, supply meets demand, price stays $10 higher.

http://www.nakedcapitalism.com/2011/02/guest-post-the-price-of-oil-%E2%80%93-where-the-outrage.html

This might be a difficult issue to fully analyze, but the commodity speculation mop has been wrung out before:

But it’s important to remember that chasing destructive speculative activity out of a commodity market is not an impossible task. In January 1980, the Federal government and the exchange overseeing silver futures trading, the COMEX, took collaborative action: In a series of draconian but necessary measures, the exchange instituted a “liquidation restriction” for the market, forcing speculators to either take delivery of contracts or find massive credit for their holdings while the Federal Reserve blocked commercial lenders from extending that credit. The impact was immediate: Within three months, prices dropped 77%.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/daniel-dicker/oil-speculation-continues_b_844663.html

Just for curiosity, how does that 77% price drop compare to the drop in Oil Prices when the market hit bottom???

Here is a link to a chart where you can see for yourself:

http://www.moneyweek.com/news-and-charts/market-data/oil

Let’s see, $144.95 less $38.12 = $106.83.

$1o6.83 divided by $144.95 = 73.7% Price drop.

I am sure this is a coincidence?  But really, do we need 20 to 43 traders in between us at the gas pump and the oil in the ground??? Aren’t we just playing out the same old drama above where, “Such texts were read aloud in front of the assembled village and everybody had to agree with them.”

Why don’t we PEASANTS just stop agreeing???

Squeeky Fromm
Girl Reporter

UPDATE!!! The day after this was published, this Internet Article came out confirming the impact of speculation. Wikileaks says the Saudis informed Washington that oil supply was ample and speculators were driving up the price:

http://www.nakedcapitalism.com/2011/05/wikileaks-saudis-warned-about-oil-speculators-in-2007-and-2008.html